Posted By: kansasbaby08 on
Wednesday, August 13th, 2008, 11:40 am
I made the grave decision to return to Weight Watchers after trying to continue (and failing miserably) to lose weight on my own this summer. I was out of town most of the time so they cancelled my membership for me. How thoughtful of them.
I walked in with my head hung low, trying to smile and make eye contact... trying to find the fake confidence within me. I had tried to do this on my own, failed miserably, and now was returning to admit my mistakes and failures. After filling out the required paperwork, I was required to step back on the scale. (Something I had chosen NOT to do during the summer months.) It was far worse than I thought. I had gained back all but 6 of the pounds that I had lost. I choked back the urge to cry, blinked back the suddenly watery eyes before they started gushing rivers down my cheeks.
I sat through the meeting, vowing in my head to do better this time. To accurately write down my points. To stop pitying myself and using food as my security blanket. The meeting ended. So what did I do? I went to the nearest drive-thru, ordered a bacon cheeseburger and the largest size of fries available. What the hell?
I consumed this heart attack of a meal while mindlessly watching rerun sitcoms on CBS. Seriously, is my life that pitiful? Yes, I guess it is. The experience speaks for itself. Even while snarfing, yes, snarfing, this meal, I reminded myself to enjoy it because I would feel guilty about it afterwards. What the hell? Of course I was going to feel guilty, I was already feeling guilty, but somehow I couldn't bring myself to actually STOP. I knew exactly what I was doing, I knew it was wrong, I knew I would regret it, but I still couldn't find the willpower, the inner strength to quit swallowing.
Besides the guilt and a greasy aftertaste, I was left with only the following thougts: Why the weakness? and What the hell wrong with you?
Tags:
frustration, diet, emotional eating
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