Posted By: marissalevin on
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008, 9:17 am
I showed my oldest son Jared a picture of me tonight. It was a picture that is 10 years, 362 days old. In the picture I was wearing a dress. At the time of the picture, I remember that I actually thought it was a really pretty, somewhat sexy dress. Looking at it now, it definitely more closely resembles an expensive tent. The fact that I thought, at 39 weeks and 2 days pregnant, that I looked even remotely sexy shows how badly my hormones messed with my head. This dress was so large and so full, and the pattern so ugly, that my picture should have been used in an abstinence ad with a caption that reads, "STOP. DON'T GO ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU WANT TO TURN INTO THIS."
When I showed Jared this picture, he laughed his head off. He said, "Mom that looks nothing like you!" I said, "I know Jared. This is just the first of many times in these past 11 years that you have transformed me into someone I don't recognize."
I know it is so cliche to lament about how quickly your children grow. I can vividly remember the day we took Jared home from the hospital. I thought every other driver on I-66 was driving like a maniac because they were going 50 MPH. How could they be so insensitive to go so fast when I had a newborn in the car? We were so clueless. Thankfully, our neighbor Carol was a grandmother to 4 grandchildren and was also an ER nurse. Adam and I were like two deer in headlights. Carol actually gave Jared his first bath in the sink because Adam and I were so terrified.
When they are infants, the hours feel like years. Especially the hours between 1:00 AM and 4:00 AM when everyone else you know is sleeping, and you are driving around the neighborhood because driving is the only thing that soothes your crying infant. Eventually, you need to stand your ground and let your baby cry it out... let them fall asleep on their own. I remember when Jared was 4 months old and we made up our minds to let him "soothe" himself to sleep in his crib. I called my older brother who was way ahead of me with his kids, and I asked him if I was doing psychological damage to Jared by letting him cry. He said, "Marissa, you aren't putting him in a freezer. He's in his crib." By the time the conversation ended, he was asleep.
Leaving your child at this stage is part pleasure and part torture. You so much need a break from the constant parenting, but you torture yourself with guilt. The first time we went to the movies, the sitter called me and said Jared wouldn't stop crying. I called my sister in-law to ask her if we should leave the movie early. She told us that by the time we would get home, he would be asleep. She was right. I have no idea what movie it was, but we all survived.
When they are toddlers, your home is a war zone. There are booby traps, concealed weapons, and land mines all over the place. You expend great time, energy, and money doing whatever you can to safeguard your home. Locked cabinets, barricaded toilets, and portable fences are installed all over the place, just to keep a 25-pound child safe.
It's also about this time that this little creature really starts to spread his wings and formulate opinions. I believe Jared was about 3 years old when he decided it was time to drink milk in a cup without a lid. I distinctly remember cautioning him not to place the cup too close to the edge of the table. Two minutes later, he and my cushioned chairs were wearing the glass of milk. He burst into tears and yelled, "Mommy, you don't have a brain!!"
Fast forward to the early elementary years. These are the times of first school days, first bus rides, sleepovers, and for many kids, team sports. Their personalities really start to take shape. They are able to articulate their likes and dislikes, and you can start to see them "clicking" with others. Their strengths and interests begin to blossom. They begin to formulate meaningful relationships with people outside of their immediate families. They know how to manipulate babysitters. They are morphing into their own little people.
From about first grade to fourth grade, huge changes take place. As an adult, a three-year time span doesn't seem so significant. But in the life of a child, it is considerable! Jared has emerged as someone that is highly sociable, extremely extroverted, very analytical, and really funny. He is a wonderful athlete, a voracious reader, a highly skilled math student, and an avid chess player. He has a strong sense of justice and will often protect or fight for the "underdog." He's a natural leader. He's family-focused, compassionate, expressive, and loves to take care of younger children and animals. He has plans to be a NBA Basketball player, and if that doesn't work out, perhaps a pediatrician or veterinarian.
Those are great qualities, but he's still a child. Which means he is still obnoxious, arrogant, argumentative, a bit full of himself, and lazy when things come too easy for him. He knows he has a good understanding of many topics, so he thinks he is ready for certain information before he really is. He's slightly precocious, and sometimes in a hurry to grow up too fast. I tell him to not rush things and to savor being a little kid. He also still displays self-doubt and insecurity. He's asked me what happens if he likes a girl and she doesn't like him. I told him that it's almost certain to happen, and that there will be times when a girl likes him and he doesn't like her. It's all part of life, and the learning experience of growing up.
Jared is entering fifth grade, and we're now at the pre-adolescent stage. I look at Jared and while I still seem some remnants of his early childhood, I can now visualize what he will look like as a teenager. His voice is changing, his body is changing, he is developing a sense of self-confidence and maturity that allows us to enjoy him and relate to him on an entirely different level. And he is discovering girls.
Adam had a great day with Jared on Saturday. They went to the gym, shot hoops together, lifted weights together, and went swimming together. Then they went to Costco together for some shopping and lunch. They were companions and friends, not only father and son.
I really like this stage because Jared still feels young enough to need a good hug & kiss goodnight, and he still loves to hug and cuddle. He loves being with me, and my approval matters to him. He is still my little boy. But at the same time, he is comfortable with his own independence, and is slowly learning his own limitations. He has firm ideas about what is or is not good for him. He is on his way to making good decisions when the safety net of his parents is not around to catch him.
As Jared experiences these changes, Adam and I also change. We're able to let down our guard a bit with him, and enjoy him in a way that is new to us.
But there are some interesting challenges that come up. For example, I used to have a difficult time distinguishing Jordan's clothes from Jared's clothes in the laundry. Now, I have a difficult time distinguishing Jared's clothes from Adam's clothes. But being the only girl in the house, I didn't think I would have to face any confusion regarding my clothes. I was wrong.
The other night, as Jared was getting ready for bed, he said to me, "Mom, do you know if I have any more of these boxers? They are really comfortable." He lifted up his shirt to show them to me. I looked at him with my mouth wide open and said, "No Jared you definitely don't have any more boxers like that." He said, "Can you get me some?" I replied, "No, that's not possible because those boxers you are wearing Jared.... are my gym shorts."
If this conversation is any indication of what is to come over the next few years, I may want to dig up that dress again - and use it as a tent to hide...
Happy 11th Birthday Jared. I Love You.
Tags:
adolescence, parenting, kids, birthday
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